


plague, inc. (the just you, just me remix)

by mingu



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 12:05:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4019107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingu/pseuds/mingu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started in India. A month later, Howon's not sure that counts for anything. It started, it spread, and now the world's essentially gone to shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	plague, inc. (the just you, just me remix)

**Author's Note:**

> a remix of [plague, inc.](http://overloves.livejournal.com/3533.html) by overloves@lj!

It had started in India. A month later, Howon's not sure that counts for anything. It started, it spread, and now the world's essentially gone to shit. That's the important thing, that and staying inside no matter what. No matter that all he wants to do is wrench that fucking door open and run until he finds Sunggyu and the manager hyungdeul, safe and well and on their way home.

The practical part of Howon wins over every time the urge becomes more than an itch beneath his skin, the part of Howon that remembers the hard look in Sunggyu's eyes when he and the manager hyungdeul left, as he pulled Howon in close enough to kiss and said, "Keep them inside. Take care of them, Howonah," and then stepped away and told them all that he trusted them to take care of each other.

There was never any argument on who the de facto leader would be with Sunggyu gone—Dongwoo was never the right temperament for leadership, always more the rock of the group, and Woohyun, for all his bluster, had emotions that ran too deep. 

It's just as well, that it's Howon, and not anyone else. For the past week, Dongwoo's been running himself ragged trying to be a shoulder for everyone to lean on. Howon can only watch helplessly as Dongwoo seems to slump gradually, emotions and exhaustion pressing on him in ways Howon doesn't know how to fix. 

Woohyun's not helping the state of things, either, tearing Howon in two with warring emotions. It seemed fine, in the beginning, but day by day Woohyun'd begun to slip into an almost depressed state of being, moping and sulking around. He's not been sleeping much, and Howon knows that's the brunt of it, but watching Dongwoo try to hold everyone together emotionally—something Howon has never been, nor will ever be, good at—by himself? It makes a bitterness well up in Howon's chest, makes him desperately close to lashing out, but he holds it back for the sake of peace.

He takes matters into his own hands, regarding Woohyun. Lunchtime tea is something he doesn't usually take part of, but he makes an exception today to slip the contents of two sleeping capsules into Woohyun's cup, easily hidden by a little more sugar than Woohyun likes. Woohyun makes a face at the overly sweetness of it but thanks to the ingenuity of fast release, is asleep on his bed within thirty minutes.

Next, Howon hovers behind Myungsoo on the couch for a few moments to watch the news. He's learned to tune it out over the past few weeks, the incessant sound of it a constant since things went from worrying to worst, but he makes sure to take a few minutes out of the day to check, just in case. He's not holding out any serious hope that the news will air anything about Sunggyu just because he's a former pop star, but he feels like showing that he has the hope will go a long way. Especially in front of Myungsoo.

Who worries Howon more than anyone else, lately. He's listless, never moving from in front of the television until he absolutely has to. He'd even gone so far as hardly eating for the first few days after Sunggyu left until Howon had politely threatened to drag him bodily into the kitchen and force feed him himself.

"Nothing yet, hyung," Myungsoo murmurs, his finger rubbing along the buttons of the remote like he's looking for some sort of reassurance. But he knows he won't get that from Howon—Howon's not in the habit of making promises he can't keep, and seeing as he can't go out and drag Sunggyu's ass back here himself, well.

Howon grunts in reply, squeezing Myungsoo's shoulder briefly before heading to the bathroom. It's not quite reassurance, but it's something, at least. 

He comes back to the living room just in time to catch the tail-end of a conversation between Myungsoo and Dongwoo. Dongwoo's been trying so hard with Myungsoo, and it hurts Howon to see Myungsoo clearly brushing the efforts away, without thought of how it makes anyone else feel. He's so selfishly, feverishly, invested in only the possible news of Sunggyu, that he's pushing them all away, and Howon's unsure how to build a bridge.

Dongwoo disappears into Woohyun's room. Howon spares a glance for Myungsoo, for all the good it does him, and follows Dongwoo. He stays in the threshold for a moment, not even sure if he wants to cross it—he feels like he'd be disturbing Dongwoo, as he takes in the gentle way the older runs his fingers through Woohyun's hair, like Woohyun's a fragile thing that could break at any second. 

Yet as Howon stands there and his gaze moves to Woohyun, he can't help but feel like it's almost old times, like maybe this is just a prank Howon pulled, and Dongwoo's regretting helping him. Well, he thinks, he _did_ totally one-up Woohyun, even if he may pay for it later. Smiling, Howon makes his way over, taking small, quiet steps, until he's hovering right over Dongwoo's shoulder.

"I slipped some sleeping pills into his tea." Howon holds back a laugh at Dongwoo's jerk of fright, a pang in his chest that he hides at the normalcy of it. The glare Dongwoo shoots his way holds no real heat, and it slips into a smile readily enough, anyway. Howon carefully seats himself next to Dongwoo, leaning in so they don't have to raise their voices and wake Woohyun. "Have you seen Sungjong today?"

Dongwoo shakes his head, teeth sunk into his lower lip for a beat before he replies, "I haven't even seen him come out to use the bathroom."

Howon resists the urge to sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. He makes a mental promise to himself, that if they all get through this, if the world fucking rights itself once again, he's never giving Sunggyu shit again. "Sungyeol?"

"He's been in and out. Mostly taking his usual spot next to Myungsoo."

Howon nods, frowning thoughtfully down at Woohyun, his eyes tracking the movement of Dongwoo's fingers as they slide through strands of hair. Woohyun's roots are showing now. His own, too, probably. "You okay, hyung?"

Howon glances up to catch Dongwoo's small and tired smile, reaches over to tangle their fingers together, just for a moment, a light squeeze. "I'm fine, Howonah." 

That's all he ever says, when Howon asks. All he'll ever say. Howon's just as bad, but that doesn't stop him from wishing hypocritically that Dongwoo would just tell the truth, the one Howon already knows. He lets Dongwoo have this bravado, and Dongwoo doesn't ask the same of Howon for the same reason. It's the only thing the both of them have to hold on to right now.

"Let him sleep more, hyung. C'mon," Howon murmurs in place of anything else, standing and holding out his hand again when he senses Dongwoo's reluctance.

They go their separate ways—Dongwoo, after Sungyeol, and Howon off to check on Sungjong. 

Sungjong's been less of a brat and more of an asshole lately, but Howon can't bring himself to feel anything other than sadness for this. He doesn't want to lay blame on the fact that Sungjong is the beloved magnae and that Howon's always been biased towards him for this, but he can't deny that's a part of it. Sungjong is still so young yet, despite showing an amazing maturity for his age. However, Howon thinks that could also be true of most of the group. 

Still, where there was a bright and happy—if sometimes facetious—magnae, now there's... a ticking time bomb.

"Hey," Howon says, pushing the door open with his knuckles, once he realizes it's not shut properly. There's an odd tension in Sungjong's shoulders, so he keeps his voice casual and light, just in case. "You have any of that quick fix ramyun left? Woohyun hyung's down for the count for the rest of the day, so we need to fend for ourselves for dinner."

Sungjong shrugs a shoulder. "I think I have a few, yeah." He crosses the room to rifle through a mess of clothes and what-have-yous. A familiar crinkling sound and colorful wrapping makes Howon breathe a sigh of relief. "Lucky us, I have three. Will that be enough for everyone, you think?"

"We'll make do."

Sungjong twists his lips, somewhat smile-like, and narrows his eyes at Howon as he tosses the bags. "Why is Woohyun hyung down for the count?" 

Howon grins, feeling like his old self for a brief, wonderful moment. "Think about it," he says with a sly chuckle, slipping back out the door. The thud of something possibly stuffed and bear-like follows him, pushing another quiet laugh to the surface. 

He deposits the packages of ramyun on the kitchen counter, leans forward on his hands and just breathes for a spell. The day's only half-over, and already the urge seems to solidify beneath his skin in the form of twitching muscles and a restlessness he can't shake off. He reaches into his pocket for his iPod, letting the music drown out everything, if only for a little while.

 

Howon's right about the reckoning after his 'prank' on Woohyun. After the near-miss on a blowout between the two of them that's rectified with Howon promising not to ever do that again—he'd crossed his fingers behind his back, but Woohyun didn't need to know that—Woohyun's, for lack of a better word, on the warpath. As far as food is concerned, anyway—but Howon supposes that's better than nothing, even if he is now snappish and still somewhat mopey. Win some, lose some. 

The uneasy peace lasts for the rest of the week, but it's almost like there are threads of it woven around all of them and Howon can only watch as they unravel bit by bit. The tension thickens until it's like a horrible, tangible thing, a knife cutting into Howon's skin and sinking in to bone. 

Howon's not surprised that Myungsoo snaps first. He's seen it coming for a while now, the only thing stumping him had been the 'when'. He's in the bathroom preparing to take a shower when he hears the thud, Myungsoo's shouting soon after. Cursing under his breath, Howon enters the hallway, fully intending to storm into the living room, but the shock of seeing Dongwoo on the ground with Myungsoo on top of him scrabbling for the remote seems to stop Howon dead in his tracks, numb the anger that was hot in his veins. 

He almost wants to laugh, some hysterical thing clawing its way up his throat that he has to swallow back down. Of all the people he ever thought he'd see like that, it never occurred to him that it would be Myungsoo and Dongwoo. Myungsoo, who used to grab at Dongwoo with the biggest smile on his face, trying to give fanservice in the form of kisses.

By the time he's gotten hold of himself again, Dongwoo's picking himself up off the floor and heading to one of the rooms. It's not hard for Howon to put his game face back on as he makes his way into the living room. Maybe the simmering anger is there in his eyes, he's not sure, but Woohyun, Myungsoo and Sungjong are watching him, Myungsoo reminding Howon of a wary antelope on the safari. 

"Don't you ever do that again, Myungsooyah." Howon keeps his voice low, keeps it calm, but makes sure to impart a deadly firmness that he hopes Myungsoo—and everyone else—takes good note of. "And remember what I said about eating."

He doesn't wait for replies, just turns and goes after Dongwoo. For a second Howon's seized with fear at the sight of Dongwoo desperately pulling away the tape on the window, but it's become too much of a habit now to push everything down and become hard. "Hyung," he says, his voice firm but with the telltale gentleness he can't seem to do away with when it comes to Dongwoo, "You know they think it might be airborne now. Don't do it."

Dongwoo does, and relief spreads sharply through Howon when he takes a few steps forward. Howon meets him halfway, frowning as he carefully feels the raised knot that's forming on the back on Dongwoo's head. Instead of anger at this development, there's only nausea and a sudden longing for Sunggyu that's so intense Howon nearly breaks with it. 

"I'll get you an ice pack," Howon makes himself say, somehow finding it in himself to deaden the emotion. "Don't stay in here, okay?" He squeezes Dongwoo's shoulders, the only way he knows how to reassure, nowadays. He hopes it's enough.

Woohyun gives him a look when he enters the kitchen, but Howon gives back as good as he gets and Woohyun shrugs a shoulder, not saying whatever it is he's got on his mind. Howon can't even guess what it could be, and doesn't feel up to trying. "Give my portion to Myungsoo," he says as he fumbles with the makeshift ice pack, quiet so the others in the living room don't hear. "He's still not eating and he's—" Howon breaks off, shutting his eyes tight and sighing. They're all starting to lose weight, of course, but Myungsoo's looking the worst. But it's the only sort of apology Howon can give.

"I know," Woohyun answers softly, abandoning dinner to help Howon tie up the pack. He drags a hand lightly across Howon's back, rubbing in a circle before he withdraws again. "I know, Howonah."

Howon finds Dongwoo in the hallway rather than the room, but he doesn't say anything, just situates himself between the wall and Dongwoo, letting the older use his thigh as a pillow for some much needed rest.

After the altercation between Myungsoo and Dongwoo, things go from bad to worse. Everyone is so tense that conversations have pretty much ceased entirely, and while Howon still checks in on everyone, as does Dongwoo, it feels more out of necessity than keeping relationships strong. Howon finds a sort of refuge in the bathroom, hiding out in the tub with his music on full-blast until someone bangs on the door needing in for some reason or another.

It's there that Howon feels the lack of Sunggyu the most, when he's all alone with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. 

Their relationship had always been an odd one, close in the way that Sunggyu trusted Howon enough to leave him as leader, but not in any way like Howon and Dongwoo. They cared about each other, yes, but when their relationship began to turn more sexual in nature, Howon never once gave thought to love having anything to do with it. He didn't think Sunggyu ever did, either—they were just two people seeking intimacy they weren't allowed to have. It was a means to an end, and more often than not it was as rough as their banter and full of the same sharp smiles and laughter. Casual and comfortable, despite the taboo.

Now, Howon still can't say for certain there was ever any love involved, but there's an ache that won't go away until Sunggyu comes home.

 

Howon wakes up to the muffled scraping sound of something big, heaving a gusty sigh as he rolls over to glance out the window. The sun is a warm golden color, on its way to setting. He'd went to catch what sleep he could maybe an hour ago and just the small effort of rolling over made his bones feel like they were creaking from the exhaustion. He can just barely hear Myungsoo now, panicked, something about the television not working. Howon allows himself a moment to stare blankly at the ceiling—he'd been wondering when they'd lose that, and dreading it. 

Luckily, Howon's nothing if not prepared. He's become a fucking boy scout, honestly. With a soft groan for his protesting muscles, Howon crosses the room, grabs his small purple radio and the batteries he'd left beside it, and makes his way to the living room to save the day. He ignores everyone, intent on getting the stupid batteries in because he's so tired he can barely focus on them, and once that's done it takes all of his will not to slam it down on the television. After fiddling around through static, static, and more static, Howon closes his eyes briefly in relief as he finally finds a news station.

When he raises his eyes to catch Myungsoo's, however, he can't help the annoyance that writes itself over his features—he'd been good and asleep, after all, and now he's not sure he'll be able to do it again. 

Ignoring everyone again, though he does catch Myungsoo's murmur of gratitude, Howon goes back to his room. He doesn't even try to be gentle with the door, letting it be a warning that he is indeed in a mood and they would be wise to shut the fuck up and either go to sleep or whatever it is they do, but _quietly_.

Howon sprawls out on his bed but as he'd suspected, sleep doesn't seem to want to claim him any longer. A sudden wave of despair overtakes Howon and he closes his eyes tight against the burn in them, swallows down the way his throat tightens. He hasn't cried once since all of this happened, hasn't let himself break down because they're counting on him, because Sunggyu and the manager hyungdeul are counting on him. He has to keep it together, even if they all hate him in the end.

His moment of self-pity is interrupted by heated voices, and for a moment he considers just leaving them all to it, but the notion is gone as fast as it came. He pushes himself to his feet and opens the door, wanting to see what the fuss is about before he butts in. 

Howon would like to think if he'd had more sleep, if he wasn't currently so ashamed of himself for his previous thoughts, that maybe he'd have handled this better. Unfortunately, what Sungjong's saying to Dongwoo, and the tone of voice he's using, added to the fact that Woohyun of all people—who's been doing nothing to help alleviate the stress the past few weeks, only adding to it—has the gall to scold Sungjong for anything, has Howon shaking for how furious he is.

Dongwoo tries to stop him, and for a split moment Howon's angry haze is broken as he makes sure Dongwoo doesn't look like he's about to join in on everyone losing their shit. Satisfied that Dongwoo looks relatively fine, he turns on Sungjong and Woohyun in full force. He can tell they're not happy, and maybe that moment of them hating him has come a lot sooner than he'd like.

Howon won't lie and say he feels any sort of smugness for having to scold a hyung, though. In fact, after the anger melts away, he feels almost sick, hiding it in the fabric of Dongwoo's shirt as he hugs the older and listens to Woohyun's retreating footsteps. There's a part of Howon, somewhere deep down, that wants to hate Sunggyu and the manager hyungdeul for just leaving, despite the fact that it was necessary. But he says nothing of the sort to Dongwoo, letting the embrace go when Dongwoo says something about taking a shower.

Howon sighs. He won't be able to go back to sleep now, and though it'll be hard to try and console Sungjong and Woohyun without actually apologizing, Howon knows it has to be done, before things fester and become even worse between them.

He gets a drink of water before he goes, trying to wash down the remnants of the nausea. He feels even more tired than before, but he stubbornly trudges his way down the hall to Sungjong's room and enters without knocking. 

"Go away," Sungjong says, not quite a hiss, but near enough. His teddy bear is a messy ruin of cotton on the floor. 

"No," Howon says, but there's no heat. He feels dull all over. "Sungjongah—"

"Stop," Sungjong says, his eyes still dancing with anger as he stands, hands balled into fists at his sides. "Did you just come in here to yell at me some more? Because I think between you and Woohyun hyung, I got it. I'm being selfish, right? I need to show respect, right? Well, go away. _Hyung_. At least let me be selfish in peace."

Howon's only answer is to sit down on the floor, cross-legged, and wait patiently for him to uncurl his fingers. "I'm not here to apologize, if that's what you want. Because you were in the wrong, being disrespectful like that. But I—" Howon doesn't know how to phrase it without sounding pathetic, so he leaves it hanging, feeling helpless once again. 

Sungjong stares at Howon with narrowed eyes, hands on his hips, looking almost normal but for the remaining glint of fury in his eyes. That's enough to make all the difference. "So you're not sorry, but then again you are."

Howon contemplates this for a moment, and realizes ruefully that it's true. "I'm sorry for the way I handled it, yeah," he admits, meeting Sungjong's gaze head-on. "I shouldn't have shouted at you. But." Howon raises a brow. "You probably shouldn't have shouted, either."

Sungjong looks as if he wants to sneer and say something cruel, but he doesn't, and after a minute or two, the tension in him fades and he lowers himself to the floor next to Howon. "What's happening to us, hyung," Sungjong asks after an even long pause, an there's no anger in him now, or if there is he's hiding it very well. Maybe he's just as defeated as Howon.

"The end of the world," Howon replies quietly. 

There's no answer for a very long time, and when Howon finally looks over at the younger, he's shocked to find Sungjong's crying. Quietly, like he's ashamed to be doing so and is trying to hide it, but there it is. Wordlessly, because he doesn't think he'd find anything adequate to say right now, anyway, Howon pulls Sungjong close and if Howon's eyes prickle with wetness, too, Sungjong doesn't comment on the matter and Howon can't bring himself to care either way.

Woohyun is next, and harder still. They've always been close to a certain degree, but again, in a different sort of way. Howon imagines if he and Woohyun had ever went down the same path he and Sunggyu had, it would be reminiscent of that. The problem with Woohyun is that he's so full of emotion, but he hides it so well. It's always been hard for Howon to read him, when everyone else has always been so easy.

"Hyung?" Howon calls softly, slipping inside and shutting the door behind him with a quiet snick that seems to echo like a clang. "I know you're awake."

"Come to scream at me some more, Howonah?"

Howon bites off an annoyed sigh. "Are you acting like Sungjong on purpose or is this just another end of the world thing?"

"Shut up, just say what you need to say and get out," Woohyun says, turning on his bed to glare at Howon, but it looks half-hearted, like maybe there'd been a smile on his face before. Howon feels a flutter of hope settle amongst the anxious roiling of his stomach.

"I just wanted to say... I'm not sorry for saying what I said, because it needed to be said, and you know it." Howon swallows, stepping forward. "But... I am sorry about yelling at you. I was angry too, which made me a bit of a hypocrite, I guess."

Woohyun's silent for a while, eyeing Howon down. "You don't think I'm just going to smile and say it's okay, do you? Because I'm not. You were right, and I'm glad you realize you need to apologize, but that doesn't make me any less angry or hurt."

Howon nods. He'd expected this, honestly, but he's not going to bother Woohyun with the semantics. The point of this was to acknowledge his shortcomings and keep things from escalating from some misjudged resentment or something equally as bad. Woohyun's slow to forgive, but Howon knows he will, eventually. Still...

"This wasn't just about me, you know," he says quietly, fixing Woohyun with a hard stare. "I don't need help. I'm fine trying to hold us all together because I'm just being a hardass. There's—it's not that hard to do. But Dongwoo hyung isn't fine. He's always been our emotional support and right now, he needs help because there's too much and he's only one person. He won't say it, you and I both know he won't, but he's going to run himself down to the ground if someone doesn't try, and—"

Howon breaks off awkwardly, biting down on his lip hard as he shoves his hands in his pockets, shrugging. "We both know I can't help with that." 

Woohyun exhales slowly, rolling over onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. "Yeah. I got it."

"Okay. Good."

Howon leaves as quietly as he came, wishing desperately for alcohol or for freedom, and resolutely doesn't think of Sunggyu.

 

Howon goes back to his room and crawls beneath his blankets, but he doesn't try to sleep. He's alone, his mind racing, going over too many things at once and tripping him up even with the music he's got softly playing in an attempt to keep himself distracted. He's so lost in thought and all the things he tries so hard not to show outside of himself, that it's well into the night before he notices Dongwoo never came to bed after his shower. Frowning, he gets up and heads into the living room, finds Dongwoo kneeling in front of their movie collection, fingers sliding across them slowly as if he's tracing out the names.

"Hyung, come to bed," Howon murmurs, moving closer until he can reach out and tug at Dongwoo's sleeve. He doesn't ask for comfort often, and lately he's been downright bullheaded about it, but he can't help adding, even quieter, "I need you."

Dongwoo nods and follows him easily. There's a weird tension in Dongwoo that Howon can't quite figure out, but he eventually assumes it's just leftover from today's mess. After he locks the door as if maybe that will keep everything around the dorm to a dull roar somehow and pushes their beds together for easier cuddling, he glances over to see Dongwoo moving restlessly, obviously nervous about something. He can't help the smirk that tugs at his lips, a natural reaction to Dongwoo being nervous about anything—that's always been their way, Dongwoo with his nerves and Howon with his confidence.

Dongwoo rewards his smirk with a quiet laugh, the first one Howon's heard from him in weeks, and it sends a warm rush of happiness through his body. Acting purely on that, how he hasn't felt sincere happiness or playfulness in so long, Howon moves in and takes Dongwoo's hands, tangling their fingers together, impulsive and punch-drunk. 

He sings low, leaning in with the intent to tease and make Dongwoo dance with him like that scene from one of the Harry Potter movies, cherishing the moment to cast worries aside and act like a dumb boy if only for a little while. But Dongwoo kisses him.

Howon doesn't hesitate, even through the surprise, kissing back as the rush of happiness turns into something else entirely, swift heat rather than slow warmth. There's no awkwardness even though this is their first kiss, perhaps because they've both been starved for something for so long that it's instinctive, natural. Dongwoo's mouth moves against Howon's urgently, all slick heat and desperation like this may be the last time. Howon's stunned to find he feels the same way, letting go of a hand to cup Dongwoo's neck and pull him closer still, until there's nothing but air between them, if that.

They finally break apart for lack of air in the right places, but Howon makes sure to keep the closeness. 

"But what—"

Howon silences him with a finger, hiding away a twinge of pain somewhere inside. "He'll understand." It wouldn't be Sunggyu that worried him, if Howon's being honest.

It's nearly ridiculous to Howon how easily they come together like this, how they seem to fall into step as if they're simply on a stage with bright lights blinding them all over again. They banter back and forth, which brings forth another spell of happiness beneath the sharp heat of lust, and after that it's just the music and them. There's a moment when it scares Howon how comfortable he feels, being with Dongwoo this way, but he can't stop himself from giving in to the rush of pleasure, so he doesn't even try. It's what he wanted, after all, a break from his own mind.

He falls asleep too quickly afterward, with things left unsaid on the tip of his tongue.

 

When Howon wakes up the next morning, late enough that it might even be noon, Dongwoo is still sleeping heavily next to him, in that way that's so achingly familiar. He's dressed, and that jogs Howon's fuzzy memory of pulling Dongwoo close after the older had crawled back into bed. 

He disentangles himself from Dongwoo carefully, not wanting to disturb a single second of his rest if he can help it. He dresses hurriedly in whatever he can find and after grabbing a cleaner set of clothes, heads to shower. He's not regretting anything that happened last night, but there is a part of him that wonders if it was a good idea. It had seemed so at the time, but Howon's got... whatever it is with Sunggyu, and he's not unaware of Woohyun's feelings for Dongwoo.

But Woohyun's never given any indication of letting Dongwoo know, and well, Howon hopes that if the end of the civilized world won't force Woohyun's hand, then maybe this will. He's not dumb enough to assume Woohyun would let him get away with scolding him on his love life, on top of everything else. Even if he is tempted—Howon from before might have done it, but the times have changed.

After a quick shower, Howon finds Woohyun in the kitchen, making a meager lunch. Howon's suddenly worried, because while they don't exactly have grand feasts, it's usually better than this. "Hyung, are we that low on food?"

Woohyun looks up, but his gaze lingers on Howon's neck like he's searching for something. Howon refrains from rolling his eyes, exasperation replacing worry for a split second. "Yeah," Woohyun murmurs, looking past Howon towards the living room to make sure they're relatively alone. "It's... not good, Howonah. We need to make a run, and soon."

Howon breathes out slow, rubbing his chin. "I'll go." Woohyun opens his mouth to protest, a quick flash of fear in his eyes, but Howon waves a hand. "I'm not leaving the complex," he adds quickly. "There's a penthouse on the top floor, right? And they left in a big hurry, you remember that? I didn't see them carrying a bunch of shit, either."

Woohyun frowns like he wants to continue with his protestations, but he knows Howon's right. They can't stay here if there's no food, and the only one of them that's still got enough muscle to fend off a crazed worm infested person is Howon. "Be careful. I swear if you disappear I will find you and I will beat the fuck out of you, worm or not," Woohyun says, adding a punch to his words with his actual fist. He doesn't hold back, either. Howon wonders what exactly that's for, a smirk tugging at the edges of his mouth.

"Don't worry about me, hyung."

 

Howon comes back in good spirits, because not only was he right about the leftover supplies, he's figured out a way for them to release some of this built-up tension in a healthy way that's good for everyone. Well, everyone who's not on his team, anyway.

He almost laughs at the sight of Woohyun hovering behind Dongwoo, noting the hand bunched in Dongwoo's shirt with no little amount of satisfaction. 

The only hint of a rebellion against his plan is Myungsoo, but once that's taken care of, everyone seems to be in agreement. It takes them a while to divvy up into teams, but once they do and once they get invested in the game, Howon can see the changes almost immediately. Especially in Woohyun—he looks less worn down, more in his element. 

They're all smiling and laughing, and it almost _hurts_ , how good it feels to just run and kick a lame excuse for a soccer ball around and watch Woohyun shout about Myungsoo being offside. Dongwoo'd sat down not even halfway through the match, when it was clear Team Shirts weren't going to score very many goals. 

When they're all sweaty and exhausted, they load up all they can carry, and Howon considers it a really fucking good day.

 

Time passes, and in the aftermath of the soccer match, things settle down somewhat. There's still stress, of course, nothing could fully get rid of it, but they're not all at each others' throats now. Howon can breathe a little easier now, watching as that weight finally seems to lift from Dongwoo's shoulders.

Though Howon and Dongwoo keep their beds pushed together most nights, they don't fuck again. If he's being honest with himself, Howon's glad for this, because the one time was, he thinks, perfect for them. Anything more, and it could have disastrous results. 

"Hey," Dongwoo whispers, fingers curled in Howon's shirt as they settle down for sleep. "Are you... okay with this?" He waves his hand absently, indicating the two of them. 

It's not the most specific thing, but Howon knows Dongwoo well enough that he gets it. "Yeah, I am," he murmurs, shifting so he can see Dongwoo better. "Are you?" Howon's pretty sure Dongwoo has no idea how Woohyun feels about him, but he wants to be completely sure.

Dongwoo's silent for a beat, then two, and then, finally: "If you are, I am too." Which means Howon was right. There's an unsaid, 'we can do it again, if you need to', there that Howon doesn't plan on taking up. Dongwoo continues, oblivious to Howon's musing, "But do you really think he'll be fine with it? He's bound to be really stressed when he gets back."

"I know," Howon says, sighing. "But..." He trails off, hesitant because he's never really explained to anyone how he and Sunggyu are. They just... _are_. "It's. It's not really like that? We care about each other, hyung, but we're not... I don't know if it's love."

Dongwoo doesn't say anything, and the silence is almost deafening. "I kinda guessed," Dongwoo murmurs, "I just didn't want to, you know, assume or anything."

Howon hums noncommittally, running fingers through Dongwoo's hair for lack of anything to say while he gets his thoughts together. "He'll understand," is all he can come with.

It seems to be good enough for Dongwoo, because he doesn't offer anything else that night.

 

The radio starts giving out. Howon's in the shower when it goes, having been out searching more of the complex's apartments for supplies. He can see something's up when Dongwoo comes to find him with Woohyun in tow, a worried frown pinching his brows together. "Fuck," Howon says on a sigh, letting Dongwoo lead he and Woohyun into their room.

"Radio stations are going," Dongwoo explains, fiddling with the wrinkles in one of the blankets on his bed. "But we caught something about a refuge? Myungsoo jumped on that immediately, but I agree with him." He inhales deeply, hesitant, and Howon can't blame him. 

"We need to find out whatever we can, and find Sunggyu hyung. You two should definitely go. I don't think anyone else here could defend themselves as well as you two." He glances between them both, inviting protest if they have it, but Howon can't find anything to argue with; Dongwoo's completely right. "I think I'll stay here." 

Once they've reached agreement, they outline the plan to the other three. "I'm going," Myungsoo says firmly.

"Chill out, Myungsooyah," Howon says, rolling his eyes at the glint in the younger's eyes, "I knew you'd want to go. To be honest, I'm thinking maybe it'll do you some good, get you off this whiny kick you're on."

Myungsoo's cheeks turn pink, but he wisely doesn't say anything.

It's still early enough in the day that they decide to set out right away, rather than wait until tomorrow. While Woohyun busies himself with sorting out food for them to take, Howon pulls up a map on his phone and checks out places this refuge could be located at. Going off of movies he's seen, and common sense, he knows it's got to be someplace big, possibly near a hospital for access to medical supplies. 

Half-full backbacks, walkie-talkies, and the sturdiest pairs of sneakers they can find, and they're ready to go. There's an abundance of frayed nerves as they all hover near the door, Howon, Woohyun and Myungsoo with their packs and the walkie-talkie they're taking, while Dongwoo faces them, standing in front of Sungyeol and Sunjong almost as if he's fully stepped into the role of protector without really being conscious of it. 

Howon tries to keep his voice calm as he explains where they're going first, not wanting his nervousness to leak out, wanting to look like he's in control, when he feels anything but.

Dongwoo offers to drive and before Howon can even open his mouth to say no, he catches Sungyeol move close to the older, sees the hand on Dongwoo's shoulder gripping tight, hears Sungyeol plead quietly for Dongwoo not to. It makes Howon's heart clench in his chest, and he meets Sungyeol's eyes, trying to convey without words that it's going to be fine, they will make it back if Howon has to drag them all somehow.

They don't say goodbye—Howon had been adamant about this, not usually so superstitious but unwilling to take even the slightest of chances. The nervousness Howon had been feeling wraps a little tighter around his muscles, seeming to offer strength. The streets are eerily quiet, devoid of life as they are, and Howon can't say any zombie or apocalypse movie could ever have prepared them adequately for this. 

"I think I'm going to be sick," Myungsoo says quietly, most definitely sounding like he's telling the truth.

Howon glances back at him right before he bends over, hands on his knees as he gulps in air. Woohyun rubs his back, but stays wary of distance in case Myungsoo does decide to hurl. Howon walks back to follow the line of sight that affected Myungsoo so, and instantly regrets it.

"Shit," he says thickly, his heart thudding in his chest. There's a ruin of a body on the sidewalk, red and distinctively human where Sungjong's stuffed bear had been white and innocent. "Myungsoo, if you can move, we should get going. I don't want to linger, just in case." The body doesn't look fresh, and as the wind picks up, Howon notes—with bile rising up in his throat—that it doesn't particularly smell fresh either, but he doesn't want to take chances. 

"Yeah." Myungsoo sounds as if he's trying not to gag. "Please, let's go."

It's not the last body they come across, but thankfully there's not many and they're spaced apart enough that the three of them can catch their breath without the stench threatening to have them throwing up what little nourishment they left the complex with.

"Hey, Familymart," Woohyun says, pointing. It's been about half an hour, maybe forty minutes, since they started out. They've checked a few of the houses along the way, coming up mostly empty-handed supplies-wise, but Howon figures they should check anyway. 

"Yeah, okay," Howon says, squeezing Myungsoo's hand. "C'mon, Myungsooyah, let's go check and see if they have some anti-nausea pills or something."

The Familymart looks like its seen better days. It's chaos in the store, Howon easily imagining the people frantically ransacking it in search of supplies before they're all gone. It takes the three of them quite a while to make sense of the wreckage and salvage what they can, but they get lucky enough. Howon hadn't been betting on finding much. They don't find anything for Myungsoo's nausea, but being inside and away from the horrid smells coming from outside seems to help him some.

They check in with the other three and though Dongwoo's voice still holds that jangled tone, there's a tinge of relief there, too. They keep going after they manage to choke down some food and water to keep them going. Howon probably could have kept going on pure determination alone, but Woohyun's firm stare had brooked no arguments.

It takes almost all of the remaining daylight to reach the university due to their numerous pit stops, but before they even come close to it, Howon's wishing they could just go back. Myungsoo loses what little he could force down earlier, the stench is so strong and horrible. Howon's imagination runs away with him, worry prickling the hairs on the back of his neck as they move closer and closer. The closer they get, the worse it gets, until even Howon's having trouble keeping his stomach from rebelling. 

"Do we really need to see it," Woohyun asks, breathing hard through his mouth. "I can pretty much guess what happened. People showed up, got infected, and killed each other. I mean, seriously."

"Hyung, I'm not going to be able to go any further," Myungsoo says weakly, leaning heavily against a building to keep his shaking legs from collapsing beneath him. "So unless you want to leave me here alone, or go on alone..."

Howon shakes his head, waving a hand aimlessly. "Woohyun, radio Dongwoo and let him know we're coming back." He hoists Myungsoo up and together they begin to slowly head back the way they came. Howon can hear the static of the walkie-talkie and grimaces, hoping Dongwoo gets enough of that to know they're unhurt. He hates to think of the three of them worrying themselves sick when there's, so far, nothing much to worry about. Unless this shit it still airborne, anyway.

Once they get far enough away from the university, they camp out in an abandoned house that, thankfully, blocks most of the smell, and spend an hour just resting. Once they've all eaten some and quenched their thirst, they take off for home again. By now the daylight's well and gone and the darkness does nothing to help the nerves Howon's been plagued with since they left the safety of the complex. If anything, it worsens, every sound he hears has him jumping like Dongwoo.

That thought, at least, brings a small smile to Howon's face, as well as Woohyun's and Myungsoo's when he shares it with them.

"Oh my God, there it is, finally," Myungsoo says, finding in him some burst of energy that has him jogging toward the complex doors

Howon slings his arm around Woohyun's shoulders and laughs, relieved. "Can you make it, old man?" he teases, feeling lighthearted at the sight of the familiar building despite how the sights from this trek weigh on him, like he's somehow aged years in the span of a day.

"Fuck you," is Woohyun's tired, but laughing reply. 

They catch up to Myungsoo just in time to see Dongwoo coming outside, an odd look on his face—not quite concern, and not quite relief. Howon's stomach clenches and he's not even sure why.

"Sunggyu hyung... he's back. He just showed up, out of the blue."

Myungsoo's gone before Dongwoo even finishes speaking, nothing but a blur of color that hits Sunggyu with a full-force hug as soon as he is able. Sunggyu hugs back in that familiar half-annoyed, half-happy way that he has, but to Howon it looks as if maybe happy is the bigger of the percentage this time around. Sunggyu looks past Myungsoo and catches Howon's gaze, steady, his eyes dull with exhaustion but warm. Howon steps forward, just barely feeling the slide of Dongwoo's fingertips along his wrist.

"Hyung," Howon murmurs, raking fingers through Sunggyu's hair once he's close enough, ignoring the grunt of irritation that follows from the older. "Took you long enough."

"Mysungsooyah, you smell like death. Go shower," Sunggyu grumbles, pushing Myungsoo away, but not entirely in an unkind way.

That startles a quiet laugh from Howon, the familiarity of it, and he watches as Myungsoo wrinkles his nose in an affronted way, but doesn't argue. After Myungsoo leaves, Howon drops the hand from Sunggyu's hair and wraps him in a one-armed hug. "Have you slept any yet?"

The hug is brief, Howon not willing to drop his bravado just yet. Sunggyu shakes his head as Howon pulls away, glancing over Howon at Woohyun, as if waiting for the other to make a move of some sort to welcome him back, as well. 

"Not yet, no. Do you think Dongwoo would let me crash in your room?"

"He can sleep with me," Woohyun offers, already tugging Dongwoo towards the hall. He stops to squeeze Sunggyu's shoulder, though. "Is that okay with everyone?"

Howon meets Dongwoo's gaze. Dongwoo gives him a small smile and nudges Woohyun on. "Let's get some sleep, guys," Dongwoo says, leveling Sunggyu with a raised brow. "All of us."

"Hey," Sunggyu says, grimacing. "I'm back now, so you can all stop playing at leader."

Howon snorts and turns Sunggyu around, pushing him toward the bedroom. "Shut up, grandpa. I made a better leader than you, and everyone knows it."

"Yeah?" Sunggyu's voice is off somehow, like he's not playing around anymore. 

Howon chalks it up to the stress of everything he's gone through the past three weeks. He drops the backpack he's been carrying outside the room and then slips inside, locking the door behind him out of habit. The group can do without any leadership for the night.

"So, how was it, being leader?"

Howon leans against the door, watching as Sunggyu strips out of his shirt and pants. He flops back on the bed clad only in boxers, looking gaunt, almost hollow. It makes Howon shiver to think they could have lost him for a number of reasons.

"Harder than I ever gave you credit for," Howon says quietly.

Sunggyu laughs, but it's a harsh sound, not at all something Howon wants to hear again. "Yeah, well. Guess you guys learned the hard way not to take me for granted, huh."

Howon's not sure what exactly he was expecting all this time, but it certainly isn't this. "What the fuck, hyung," he says, moving forward with intent until he gets close enough to see scars along Sunggyu's side, that look scarily like knife slashes. He deflates, slightly, but he's still angry. "Just—fuck, just stop. We never took you for _granted_ , you asshole."

Sunggyu shrugs, like he doesn't care how his words are hurting right now. But his smile is tired and when he reaches out to tug Howon down, Howon lets him for reasons he's not willing to deal with at the moment. There's no sentimentality, no whispered I-missed-you's, just Howon's fingers curled tightly in Sunggyu's hair to drag him up for a kiss that swallows the hiss of pain Sunggyu makes.

It's almost as if Sunggyu was trying to piss Howon off on purpose, maybe so he didn't have to deal with anything sappy. Howon can forgive him for that, if so. Theirs always was a strange relationship, even now. So he straddles Sunggyu down and licks his way inside Sunggyu's mouth, kissing him hard and deep, almost unforgiving in how he takes, takes, takes.

Only almost, though, because Sunggyu's never been one to sit by idly and let someone take. He gives back as good as he gets, his hands squeezing Howon's ass and pushing down, trying to get friction Howon's not ready to give yet.

"Howon, c'mon," Sunggyu groans into the kiss, biting at Howon's lower lip hard enough to draw blood. 

Howon startles at the sharp pain, pulling back to lick away the metallic taste. "What the hell, hyung, are you a wormhead or something, jesus."

Sunggyu stares at him for a moment, and Howon swears in that moment he sees a stranger. But then Sunggyu shrugs apologetically and it's really Sunggyu again. He brings a finger up to the throbbing spot, wiping away red. "I guess I did get carried away, huh."

"Maybe we should just sleep," Howon says, unnerved and not really in the mood for sex any longer. It's probably for the best, anyway, with Sunggyu looking starved and Howon feeling like he is after the events of today. They need to keep their energy for other things.

Sunggyu makes a disgusted sound, but he doesn't try to stop Howon from moving away to get dressed for bed. "You're such a baby, it's just a little bite."

"Yeah, well, you're the leader again so you can just deal with it." Howon ignores Sunggyu's exasperated huff and slides beneath the blankets next to him. "I'm glad you're back, you know. Even if you are being more of an asshole than usual," Howon adds, punching Sunggyu's shoulder lightly.

Sunggyu glares at Howon without any real heat. He still looks like Sunggyu. "Whatever, I'm leaving again tomorrow, watch me." His voice is low and flat in that way he has when he's being dumb, though, so Howon just snorts and uses Sunggyu's shoulder for a pillow whether he likes it or not.

 

Howon wakes up to wet heat and sharp pleasure, exhaling sharply as he looks down to find Sunggyu with his lips stretched wide over Howon's cock and his eyes feverishly piercing.

"Hyung," Howon breathes, his voice still husky and thick with sleep, reaching down to tangle his fingers in Sunggyu's hair, but not tightly because Sunggyu doesn't like that, not when he's sucking Howon off.

Sunggyu's only response to that is to suck harder, wandering fingers skimming along the sensitive skin of Howon's inner thigh and down, down until the pleasure spikes but doesn't crest. Howon curses, wrenching his hand away from Sunggyu's hair because he'll only piss the older off with how his fingers curl into the blankets automatically.

Sunggyu grunts when Howon's hips jerk up reflexively, brows pinching like if he didn't currently have a mouthful of cock he'd likely be grumping. Howon laughs breathlessly at that, but it turns into a moan halfway through because Sunggyu knows exactly what to do to turn Howon into a quivering mess.

And then suddenly Sunggyu lets go of Howon's cock with a soft pop, tongue swiping over his lips briefly as he sits up, considering. His lips are bruised red, shiny, and Howon wants nothing more than to flip him over and fuck him until he screams, but there's something in his eyes as he silently looks Howon up and down, something different. "I want to fuck you," he says finally.

They've switched a couple of times, but most of the time Sunggyu wants to be fucked—sometimes desperately so. Howon's always thought it might be a turn on for him, the loss of control. Everywhere else Sunggyu's the leader, but in the bedroom it's always been Howon.

"You better keep your new-found pain kink to yourself," Howon replies, hooking his ankles around Sunggyu's thighs to tug him forward, wordlessly agreeing. Now that the haze of pleasure's not as strong, Howon can see Sunggyu has already done away with their boxers, probably while Howon was still asleep. "I'm not into blood play."

Sunggyu rolls his eyes and crawls up so he can kiss Howon, probably to shut him up, and Howon's okay with that. What he gets in return is a naked Sunggyu draped over him, where it's easier to slide hands down his back and squeeze, smiling when Sunggyu gasps into the kiss. Sunggyu may want to play pitcher today, but his body is still too easy to please. 

Despite having not been together in over a month, they stay like this for a while, lazily kissing, the slick sounds echoing in quiet of the room. Occasionally Howon rolls his hips up to hear Sunggyu make more noise, to alleviate the fierce want that's starting to build into something more intense in his veins. 

"Where's the lube," Sunggyu finally asks, breathless, leaning up on his elbows and using that position to give a little back as he grinds down with a hard grin. 

Howon shudders, points absently, and Sunggyu wastes no time. "It's been a while since I fucked you, Howonah," Sunggyu murmurs, sliding a lube slick finger in to the knuckle. He's got a hand on the underside of Howon's thigh, pushing his leg up until Howon's shaking with the strain, the sweet ache of it. "God, you still feel so tight, like a fucking virgin."

Howon groans in frustration and tries to push down on Sunggyu's finger, to get him to stop fucking _teasing_ and get on with it, because while it's not hurting, it's not enough to get him off either. Sunggyu laughs, but he doesn't seem to be in a waiting mood either, pushing in and out and hooking his finger until Howon's panting and arching for more, his fingers clawing at the blankets hard enough to make them hurt. One finger becomes two, two become three, and finally Howon's impatient enough to where he's inches away from shoving Sunggyu down and taking matters into his own hands. Or ass, as it were.

Sunggyu scoffs, raising a brow, and Howon figures he must have said some of that out loud. It gets the job done, though, because suddenly Sunggyu's fingers are gone and Howon's left waiting. He watches Sunggyu slick himself down, taking in the way even just that touch has Sunggyu shuddering and gasping for how keyed up he is. When Sunggyu meets his gaze there's an intensity there that Howon can't remember seeing before, and while it mostly makes Howon's breath hitch in his throat, there's a part somewhere that's wary of the almost predatory glint there.

It's gone by the time Sunggyu shifts to line himself up and push in, searing every thought out of Howon's brain with the burn of the stretch. Sunggyu forces Howon's legs up against his body as he bottoms out, breathing hard while he waits, letting Howon adjust. Howon's glad for that, because it has been a long time and while the burn is more uncomfortable than painful, it's still awkward for him.

"Touch yourself," Sunggyu says roughly, fingernails digging into the soft skin of Howon's thighs. Howon's toes curl and he tenses around Sunggyu, pulling a groan from the older. Smirking in satisfaction, Howon reaches down and works himself back to full hardness, made easy with Sunggyu watching him hungrily. 

"You gonna fuck me, or what," Howon asks, choking back a moan when Sunggyu rises to the bait immediately and starts thrusting slow and shallow. Howon keeps his hand moving languidly, letting Sunggyu build the pleasure up again, until it's there and it's not enough, even with Howon using his hand. He wants more, he wants— "Hyung, you said you were gonna _fuck_ me."

Sunggyu growls and drives in deep, forcing a gasp out of Howon like a punch. His hips jerk forward but the way Sunggyu's holding his legs makes the action nearly useless. Sunggyu's grin is all edge in that way that's always made Howon want to shove him face down, ass up. 

Sunggyu fucks Howon in earnest after that, finding that angle that makes Howon's vision white out for a split second. Howon bites his lip to keep from making too much noise, bites down so hard that he reopens the cut on his lip and tastes blood. 

Sunggyu's hands fall from Howon's thighs and he leans forward on his hands, Howon's legs still draped over his arms. Knowing exactly what Sunggyu wants, Howon reaches for his hair and brings him down for a kiss, all teeth and tongue. Howon hisses as Sunggyu sucks the cut on his lip, but he's so close to orgasm he can't think about anything else right now, only the sharp rise of pleasure. Sunggyu's orgasm is sudden, his thrusts erratic and then he's shuddering hard over Howon, a soft whine in the back of his throat escaping into the kiss.

Howon huffs against Sunggyu's mouth as the older slumps forward, still shaky, and pushes at Sunggyu's shoulder insistently. "Suck me off, hyung. Finish what you started before you turn into a useless grandpa."

Sunggyu makes a face, but he shifts and drops Howon's legs, withdrawing to slide down the bed. That part Howon hates, the weird, empty feeling after Sunggyu pulls out, and he wrinkles his nose against it. It's forgotten instantly as Sunggyu wraps a hand around Howon's dick and sucks at the head briefly before swallowing him down. Sunggyu forgoes the fancy tricks, but Howon's been denied orgasm too many times tonight and he doesn't even need them—it's over within minutes, Sunggyu pulling back just as Howon cums to jerk him the rest of the way through his orgasm as it frissons through him, bright and hot.

"Better?" Sunggyu's voice sounds raw and Howon allows himself a smug smile at it as Sunggyu crawls back up the bed and collapses next to Howon with a sigh. "Stop smiling and go to sleep, it's still dark out."

Howon swats at Sunggyu's shoulder lazily. "Stop being a grump, hyung, you just got laid."

Sunggyu grunts in response, throwing an arm over Howon's chest as he scoots close. "One more word and I'm going to kick you out of the bedroom."

Howon opens his mouth to dare Sunggyu to try, but still riding on post-orgasm high and the fact that Sunggyu's _back_ , he decides to let it go, after all. Just this once. And if there's a smile pressed into Howon's skin after his lack of response, well, Howon knows how to bide his time for some good-natured revenge.

 

Unfortunately, things go downhill even quicker once Sunggyu's settled. It's almost as if being away for so long in these circumstances has done something irrevocable to him, and Howon can't help but forgive Sunggyu's worse than usual testiness because Howon's been there, he's seen it, even if he didn't get the worst of it like Sunggyu apparently did. Dongwoo had mentioned to Howon the state Sunggyu had been in when he showed up, and it had made Howon sick to think that Sunggyu had had to kill out there, even if in self-defense.

Howon knows he can't put off telling Sunggyu about Dongwoo for very long, despite the temper the older's been in since they woke up this morning. While Howon's not as sure anymore how Sunggyu's first reaction will go, he knows eventually rationality will win out and they'll be fine again. It's not as if they'd ever declared themselves 'official', anyway. 

Howon finds Sunggyu in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. "Hungry, hyung?" He doesn't wait for Sunggyu's answer, pulling out a knife and some of the fruit they still have left. He doesn't think Woohyun will mind if he steals the last of it for Sunggyu. The knife's not as sharp as it should be, Howon comes to find, dulled down to uselessness and forgotten in the wake of chaos.

"Here." Sunggyu takes the knife, a sharpener in his hand. His brows pinch slightly in concentration as he works, capturing Howon's attention completely for a while.

"Hyung, I need to tell you something," Howon finally makes himself say, softly, dropping his gaze to watch Sunggyu's hands.

"Okay," Sunggyu answers off-handedly, focused on his work. 

Howon, feeling impulsive, moves close and tucks his chin over Sunggyu's shoulder, his hands straying beneath the fabric of Sunggyu's shirt to skim across warm skin. Not sure how to begin, Howon lets a silence settle between them that's only broken by the rough scraping sound. "Did you want me to guess or something, Howon," he finally says, his tone annoyed.

Frowning, Howon pulls back and leans sideways against the counter, watching Sunggyu for a moment. "Look," he says, on a deep sigh, figuring he might as well get it over with, "I just need to let you know that... uh, Dongwoo hyung and I slept together. While you were gone. I know we never really gave whatever this is a name, but. I at least thought you should know, is all."

Sunggyu stops sharpening the knife, staring hard at the counter. The complete silence this time is highly unnerving, in due part because Sunggyu's got such a tight grip on the knife handle that his knuckles are going white. Alarm bells go off in Howon's mind and he jerks upright, fully intending on getting the fuck out of the kitchen, but too late—quicker than Howon's ever seen him move, Sunggyu's got Howon pressed against the counter, their hips flush together in a sickening mockery of foreplay.

Howon's blood seems to freeze in his veins at the touch of the cold metal against his throat, his heart racing in his chest almost painfully. He hears footsteps, can barely make out, peripherally, as Dongwoo stops dead in his tracks in the threshold of the kitchen, but Howon can't take his eyes away from Sunggyu's cold gaze. There's nothing in them to suggest this is even the person he's come to care so much about.

"I never thought you'd want to make me gut you. You wouldn't be the first, but you'd be my best work of art, Howon-ah," Sunggyu says, his voice low and silky, like a lover's caress gone wrong. It's Sunggyu who breaks their locked gazes, his attention suddenly shifted to Dongwoo. 

An undercurrent of rage simmers beneath the desperate fear, but Howon can't make himself move, can't even bring himself to swallow at the thought of the knife slicing red. He glances at Dongwoo carefully, fists trembling by his sides at the hopeless, terrified despair he sees on the older's face.

"How was he, Dongwoo? Did he call out your name? Or mine?" Abruptly, the knife is gone, clattering to the floor, and the brief flare of relief Howon feels is replaced with pain as Sunggyu clenches a hand in his hair and shoves him bodily into the refrigerator. 

Howon manages to bite down his grunt of pain as his shoulder connects with the handle, gasping out, "He's infected," and feeling so fucking stupid and _angry_ because he could he have missed it, and now Sunggyu's going after Dongwoo and he can't do anything because the pain is a hot lance that's as freezing as the fear was.

Dongwoo's still as Sunggyu caresses him, and Howon's stomach heaves as Sunggyu's hand clutches tight around Dongwoo's throat. It's _Dongwoo_ , the Sunggyu they knew before would never have—

"I could snap your neck and throw your lifeless body off the balcony. Don't you want to paint the town red before it goes completely to hell?"

"I'm—" Dongwoo's reply is little more than a wheeze, and Howon starts to straighten, to do something, though he's not even fucking sure _what_ , when Sunggyu continues and takes his hand away from Dongwoo's throat. Howon can see in Dongwoo's eyes a revulsion that he feels just as keenly, but deep inside it's tinged with a sadness he doesn't know how he'll deal with.

Sunggyu just laughs at Dongwoo's finished apology, laughs in a hard, unfeeling way that has Howon's stomach knotting tightly. "You're not entertaining enough. I don't do pity kills." 

Howon watches him leave, trembling, a part of him not wanting to accept this, that they've lost him just when they've found him. He doesn't go to his own bedroom, though, turning for Howon's and Dongwoo's shared bedroom—Howon's fine with this, let him go somewhere there's no one for him to choke or hold at knifepoint. 

"Now you'll have to fuck in public," is Sunggyu's parting shot, its aim true.

Howon stares at the shut door until his eyes burn, slumping against the refrigerator as the shaking in his legs becomes too much. "What the fuck," he says, furious now that the fear has settled, "This is what the disease does? Everyone's a fucking psychopath?"

Dongwoo says nothing, in motion before Howon can even begin to gauge his nonverbal reply. Howon frowns, puzzled, and pushes off the refrigerator to follow him. "Hyung. What the hell are—" Dongwoo's trying to push a chair in front of the bedroom door. "Oh. Yeah. Barricading him in. That's smart."

It won't be enough, though, not near enough. Howon's gaze finds the bookshelf, a much better choice, and he tugs Dongwoo to it. Between the two of them they get it settled in place. Dongwoo is still determined to put the chair in front of the bookshelf, however, and Howon lets him despite the uselessness of it. It's the last dredges of fear manifesting themselves, and Howon can understand that.

"I'll go get the others," Dongwoo says quietly, after a long moment of staring at the chair, lost in some world of thought Howon can't follow.

Howon watches him go, fingers skimming over the skin of his throat where the ghost of steel is still present. He should do something about the knife, it's still in there, on the floor. Too sharp for anything but killing.

Calmly, Howon picks up the knife and wraps the edge in a hand towel. He catches Woohyun entering the kitchen and meets his concerned gaze. "We should hide this, I think," Howon says, handing the wrapped knife to Woohyun. He absently notes that he's slipping back into an authoritative state, his voice harder than it should have been.

Woohyun takes the knife, nodding, probably understanding just as painfully as Howon why he can't be the one to hide it. "I'll make tea after."

Howon exhales slowly, wiping his palms along the sides of his pants as he leans against the counter. He spares Sungjong an attempt at a reassuring glance as the younger walks in, his body lined with tension. Howon wonders if it hasn't been just this one incident and seethes at himself for being so blind.

"Don't even, hyung," Sungjong says, elbowing Howon gently as he levels Howon with a hard stare. "I saw Dongwoo hyung's throat."

Woohyun returns and busies himself with tea-making, so Howon doesn't bother to reply. Woohyun's followed shortly by Sungyeol, and then a little later by Myungsoo and Dongwoo. Together they all settle in a haphazard circle around Woohyun, hushed for a moment as they gather their thoughts.

"You said Sunggyu hyung was bloody when he showed up," Howon addresses Dongwoo softly. He doesn't want to look at the red ring on Dongwoo's pale skin, but he makes himself do it anyway. "But that it probably wasn't his blood."

Woohyun starts passing around cups of tea. "I think he killed them," is Dongwoo's answer to the unspoken question. What they've all been wondering. Dongwoo's hands are trembling as he sets his cup down on the counter, still full. 

Howon lets the conversation go on without him, his eyes on Dongwoo as he leaves without another word. Woohyun is close on the side Sungjong's left unclaimed. "You better go after him," Howon murmurs, "He needs you right now."

"Me, huh," Woohyun replies, and Howon's taken off-guard for a second by the tone. It's not... vehement, but it's laced with something that's a little like quiet triumph. 

It hurts in a way that Howon can't ignore it for the hideous self-pity party his heart is having in his chest. "Well, Sunggyu hyung didn't just try to choke him to death because you fucked him, now did he," he says savagely. 

The others notice the separate conversation happening, the heat behind Howon's words and maybe even the words themselves, and the quiet communication lulls. Howon sighs, defeated. "Just go, hyung." 

Woohyun doesn't go immediately. "That wasn't Sunggyu hyung, Howonah," he says finally, after the lull stretches on for what seems like an eternity. His voice has an apologetic lilt to it that Howon's not sure he wants. "He'd understand." 

He does go after Dongwoo, then, leaving Howon alone with three curious stares to deal with. "It's not important," Howon says with a wave of his hand as Myungsoo opens his mouth to speak. "What's important is that Sunggyu hyung is dangerous right now. Hence why he's barricaded in my room."

Sungyeol rocks back on his heels, restless. "So, he did that... to Dongwoo hyung? Choked him?"

Howon purses his lips tightly, nodding. Myungsoo bites his lip and looks away. Sungjong reaches out and laces his fingers through Howon's. 

"What did he do to you," Myungsoo ventures hesitantly, both hands cradling his cup of tea. The action makes him look child-like, softening Howon some.

"It doesn't matter," he replies, voice low with a gentle, but firm, finality. It doesn't. Not with what Sunggyu had done to Dongwoo, who'd deserved none of it. Howon knows he should tell them everything, that now most of all isn't the time to be keeping secrets or telling half-truths, but it's still too raw. It'll all come out, eventually. 

"Hyung can sleep with me tonight," Sungjong offers with a quick squeeze of fingers. 

Howon nods, glancing out the window. It's not late enough for sleep, but he supposes they could if they wanted. It's not as if they've got schedule tomorrow or anything. "No one sleeps by themselves tonight, just in case." He pauses. "Actually, no one sleeps alone ever. We need to look out for each other, whether from hyung or from someone else."

"Okay," Sungyeol says, nodding, and runs fingers through Myungsoo's hair. "We can do that."

Howon sighs, letting go of Sungjong's hand. "Good. I'm going to go hit the rest of the apartments for supplies. If any of you touches that bookshelf, you're in for a world of hurt and probably not by me. So keep it where it is."

He knocks back his lukewarm tea with a grimace and sets the cup aside before he leaves, unable to bring himself to waste something they may not have for very much longer. He makes his way down the stairs to the last batch of apartments, letting the steady increase of his heartbeat calm the rest of his still frazzled nerves. When he enters the first apartment, he just stands in the middle of the main room, staring at the mess but not exactly seeing it. 

He licks his lips, wincing as his tongue swipes over the cut there. Remembering makes Howon shudder, nausea a quick and terrible thing clawing its way up his throat. He just barely makes it to the kitchen before he loses the tea he just drank and what little he'd eaten today. He blames the tears on the acrid taste of bile in his mouth and nose, bracing himself against the ceramic counter surrounding the sink to keep himself standing on his now-weak legs. He breathes shakily, gagging at the stench wafting up from the sink and fumbles with the tap, heaving a sigh of relief when it turns on and washes away the mess.

Howon stares at the mess as it swirls and drains away, making it, in his mind, a catharsis of sorts. He's cleansed himself of what he needed to and now he can be what Sunggyu needed him to be when the older had left with the hyungdeul—what Sunggyu still needs him to be whether he consciously knows it or not.

After he cleans himself up and swishes water around to rid himself of the taste, Howon straightens and gazes around the room again, steadies himself, and gets to work.

 

The next morning Howon wakes up and is startled at the out-of-place feeling, when he realizes where he's at and who he's got curled up behind him. Howon yawns and shakes his head clear of lingering fuzziness before he carefully gets out of the bed, leaving Sungjong slumbering peacefully. 

Howon's set on having a shower, but Woohyun's beat him to it, so he decides to get an early start on the laundry while he's waiting. He gathers the dirty piles from everyone's rooms but his own and sorts them, the busy work good for keeping his mind off matters he'd really like to ignore for the time being. It's not very leader-like of him, but he can't bring himself to give a fuck.

Howon finishes sorting and allows his shoulders to slump for a moment before he gathers bravado close and heads to his room to get some clothes for his shower. Woohyun should be nearly done, by now.

He's not exactly surprised to find Dongwoo and Sungyeol have already moved the bookshelf, but it annoys him, a prickle of worry skittering along his spine before he catches the conversation and how Sunggyu appears to not remember anything. Huh.

"What am I supposed to remember," Sunggyu asks, the confusion in his voice genuine.

Howon's annoyance fades away and he steps into the room. "You almost tried killing me. You threatened Dongwoo-hyung. You put yourself in our room." He tugs out a shirt without really looking at it and hopes it's not Dongwoo's. He doesn't even spare Sungyeol a glance as he says to the other, "Sungyeol, you might want to leave for a minute." 

Sungyeol goes without a word of protest, something Howon makes a mental note to thank him for later, and also to apologize for being so curt. Sungyeol's been one of the steadiest throughout all of this, and Howon's repaying him in a really shitty way. He holds back a sigh and sits down on Dongwoo's bed, fixating Sunggyu with a look that's not quite a glare, but could be.

Sunggyu moves in and Howon helps him eat. He's not particularly fond of letting Sunggyu use the chopsticks for anything at all, but he's aware of the possibility that any sort of anger or irritation could lead to another episode and that's something he wants even less than an 'armed' Sunggyu. And he knows full well how Sunggyu hates being coddled, even if it's for his own good.

Some things never change. But if even this halfway coddling has Sunggyu irritated, he takes it in stride, only showing it when he finally goes to speak and it comes out near biting. It's just that, however, nothing that leads Howon to believe he needs to fight or flight.

Howon doesn't glance up when Dongwoo speaks or moves closer, keeping his gaze on Sunggyu. He tells himself it's because he still doesn't trust Sunggyu, but there's a part of him that just doesn't want to see the marks on Dongwoo's throat, more than likely mottled bruises by now.

"What? You don't trust me," Sunggyu asks, prompting an immediate and simultaneous "No," from both Howon and Dongwoo. His annoyance fades a little, and even Howon can't help the wry curve his own lips take. "That bad?" He gives Howon a meaningful glance and Howon relents the chopsticks and his spot for Dongwoo to take over.

Howon says nothing and continues gathering his things, purposely slow, so that he can keep an eye on things and take the dishes out when Dongwoo and Sunggyu are done. He'd taken one of Dongwoo's shirts, after all—he exchanges it for one of his own, this time.

Tossing his things on the bed, Howon takes the dishes from Dongwoo's hands and heads to the kitchen. Woohyun's in there, helping himself to food. There's something off about him, like there's tension there but not. 

"Sleep okay?" Howon runs some hot water, adds soap to it and then the dishes, after he's rinsed them of leftover food.

"Sure," Woohyun says, shrugging a shoulder, not looking at Howon.

Howon snorts, flicking water droplets that Woohyun tries and fails at batting away. "You're a keeper, _for sure_ ," he says wryly, laughing when Woohyun chucks a chopstick at him.

"You're not funny, ever. Shut up," Woohyun mutters, leaning back over his food. Whatever was there before isn't now and Woohyun's obviously hiding a smile, so Howon figures he must have done something right. 

When Howon goes back to the room, there's a smile on Dongwoo's face that's a perfect copy of the one he sometimes saw in fantaken pictures, marked with dates where they were all walking, talking zombies. "You okay?" He reaches out instinctively, a hand on Dongwoo's shoulder before he even realizes he's moved.

Dongwoo laughs that breezy laugh he uses when he's avoiding something, so Howon lets it go, but reluctantly, nods and accepts his judgment of Sunggyu's state of mind.

Dongwoo closes the door behind him, leaving Howon alone with Sunggyu. Who's looking at him with a blazing curiosity, fingers curled into the blankets on either side of him. "Well?"

"'Well' what?"

Sunggyu sighs, tilting his head back briefly. "You don't want to know what I'm thinking?" He lifts his head again, cocks it to the side as he purses his lips in minor annoyance. It's something that used to look cute to Howon, and now... he doesn't know.

"I can't be sure if it's really you thinking it," Howon says, wishing he hadn't left his bundle of clothes so close to Sunggyu.

Sunggyu sighs gustily, with much disgust. "Would it help if I told you things only I could possibly know? Would that make any fucking difference at all?"

"That thing is _inside your head_ ," Howon says quietly, "Maybe it wasn't you trying to kill me yesterday, but that's all I could see, hyung. Just you."

Sunggyu seems to deflate right in front of Howon, his hands coming together to rest in his lap. Like with Myungsoo yesterday, it makes him look smaller, younger than he is. It's like a hot lance right through the heart.

Howon moves forward swiftly and leans over Sunggyu, reaches for his clothes—his eyes fall shut as Sunggyu's hand closes gently over his arm. "Howonah," Sunggyu murmurs, the pain in his voice so clear it makes Howon shake. 

Makes Howon open his eyes and look at Sunggyu when he knows he shouldn't, makes him pliant when Sunggyu leans in and kisses him, everything about the action apologetic and sad. "I'm not angry. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Sunggyu presses another chaste kiss to the cut on Howon's lower lip. "That's what I'm thinking. Just me."

"Okay," Howon says softly, tucking his clothes under an arm. "Okay, hyung." He leaves, because he doesn't have anything else to say, all his words tripping up on his tongue and weighing it down.

 

'Just Sunggyu' doesn't stay for long—within a matter of days it becomes clear that the worm doesn't rely on manifesting itself through violence. Sunggyu begins to speak of the worm in a positive light, as though being one with the worm is something better, something stronger, and is the only possible evolution of mankind that will leave their inferiority behind them. 

In lieu of violent behavior, they don't lock Sunggyu in the room, but Howon's careful to keep an eye on him, nevertheless. The marks on Dongwoo's throat are fading but Howon can still see them clearly, like a lingering image on his retinas.

More often than not, Howon finds Sunggyu reclining against the wall, having shoved Howon's bed close to it, a lazily regal air about him. Myungsoo is usually there and that frightens Howon more than anything, because there's a hopeful glint in Myungsoo's eyes and as the days go by, it begins to turn into something more like admiration. The radio remains, but sometimes the sound doesn't.

It wouldn't matter anyway—the radio stations have all be taken over by sycophants, adding their crackling voices to Sunggyu's day and night, until Howon wonders if this is what going mad feels like.

Sunggyu had only tried to ask the entire group once if they wanted to be 'Enlightened'. Dongwoo had left, the tremble in his hands perhaps not obvious to everyone else, but clear as day to Howon. Howon had leveled Sunggyu with a glare and said, simply, "Over my dead body."

Sunggyu had only laughed, soft and derisive.

As if life wants nothing more than to add to the stress of the entire situation, their food supplies are starting to run low again, despite Woohyun's rationing. Howon knows it'll have to be him to make a run, and that he'll have to make a day of it—he's already picked cleaned the entire complex.

"You have to, Howonah," Woohyun says fiercely, when Howon protests. "We can handle things here, alright?" He glares, but it softens somewhat as he adds, wryly, "If you haven't noticed, my moping days are well behind me now."

Chastised, Howon slumps, feeling more acutely the lack of proper sleep in this moment than he has in days. "What if—" What if Sunggyu gets to Myungsoo, what if he gets to Sungjong, what if he gets to Woohyun, what if Howon comes back and he's the only one left.

Woohyun makes a funny strangled noise in the back of his throat and slaps his hands against Howon's cheeks, cupping them afterward. "Go. I swear on every fucking thing I can swear on if you don't go get a fucking backpack on and leave, I will toss you out myself and you can do without the backpack." He leans in, fingernails scraping along Howon's skin, and brings their foreheads together. "Howonah. Keep it together. Please don't give up now," he adds in a barely there whisper.

It's Woohyun's way of saying he can handle a day, but he can't handle longer. He's telling Howon to stop freaking out and act like the leader Sunggyu can't, and he's right. Howon shakes off the self-pity that tries to worm its way into the forefront of his mind and nods, not trusting himself to speak.

"Okay," Woohyun says on a sigh, patting Howon's cheeks briefly before he turns and starts rifling through the cabinets. "Bring me your backpack and I'll put some things together for you."

The run ends up taking less time than Howon had originally thought it would, but he still doesn't get back to the dorm until the sun's beginning to set. He'd went the opposite way this time and had made a decent haul at one of the houses he'd stopped in. It had been a gruesome sight, however, the family had had no time to run once they figured out one of them was infected. Howon had gazed at the mess of bodies numbly and had wondered if maybe they'd been the lucky ones.

He'd shoved away emotion the best he could and took what they'd had stored.

When Howon enters the house the first thing he notices is how loudly the radio's going, and with Myungsoo in front of it he fully believes the volume is all the way up. The crackling voices seem to sink underneath his skin like an itch he can't scratch and in an instant he's so angry he can hardly breathe, his mind bringing up unbidden the images of that family in their own ruin. 

Through the haze of anger he also realizes that Woohyun and Dongwoo are nowhere to be seen, and given that they should have been there to welcome him back with sharp relief in their eyes and aren't? Well, that settles the anger to a dull burn as worry slides into place. First things first, he decides to do something about the fucking radio, and after sliding his backpack into the kitchen, stalks over to it and flicks the power button. 

Myungsoo makes a noise that's almost inhuman and grips his arm so tightly that it shocks Howon into doing absolutely nothing but gazing, mouth open, until he lets the anger take over. "Let me go, Myungsooyah," Howon says in a low voice, calm but with no little amount of firmness behind it. He can see in Myungsoo's eyes that he's not talking to Myungsoo any longer. There's a maniacal glint there that won't go away until he's cured.

"Turn it back on," Myungsoo says flatly, his grip strengthening.

Howon punches him. Feels revulsion churning about in his stomach even as he does, that he had to resort to that, to hitting _Myungsoo_ , who's not Myungsoo but is wearing his face and speaking with his voice. 

Myungsoo's head snaps back from the force of it and he stumbles, letting go of Howon's arm. He spits and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. It comes away smeared pink. "Guess you've still got balls after all, _hyung_ ," he says, laughing. "But you really do need to turn that back on, right now."

Howon picks up the radio and opens the back. "Batteries are dead," he says through gritted teeth, flinging them one by one somewhere behind him, where they clatter to the floor. "I'll get new ones later." Myungsoo jerks like he's going to come forward again and Howon raises the radio. "Next time, I won't use my fist."

Myungsoo stares him down for a long moment, considering, and then just smiles and walks away. When Howon hears the bedroom door shut, he allows himself to suck in a shuddering gulp of air, trying to resist the urge to smash the radio in his hands to pieces. He remembers Woohyun's words, though, desperately clinging to them like an anchor. 

"Woohyun hyung?" Howon calls as he makes his way down the hall. "Dongwoo hyu—"

"In here, Howon," Dongwoo calls from the bathroom, a hand peeking out to wave.

Howon leans against the door frame and takes in the scene before him with a sigh. "We have respite, for now," he says, wiggling the silent radio before setting on the sink. "What happened?" He almost doesn't want an answer, because he thinks he might know already. Woohyun sitting on the toilet seat as Dongwoo applies rubbing alcohol to dozens of blood scratches along Woohyun's scalp, while Myungsoo has apparently gone off the deep wormy end. Yeah, Howon's pretty sure he's got it.

He lets Dongwoo answer him anyway, eyes sliding shut as weariness threatens to overtake him completely. "Jesus, Howon. Go to bed," Dongwoo says roughly, mid-sentence. 

"Are you hungry," Woohyun asks, shaking his hair back into place as Dongwoo starts cleaning up the mess. "I never finished dinner, but I can, if you need it."

Howon shakes his head, ignoring the hunger pangs inside that say otherwise. "Divvy up my portion, hyung. I'm too tired to think about eating."

"You should try anyway," Dongwoo says, frowning. "I can hear your stomach, don't think I can't."

"It's whatever," Howon says flippantly, waving off their protests. "Look, I just really want to sleep, guys. It wasn't pretty out there before and it hasn't gotten any prettier." Woohyun looks at him with empathy in his eyes, all his protest gone now. "Keep an eye on Myungsoo, though, yeah? I had to punch him because he was manhandling me and I don't know if that's gonna have any kind of violent effect later."

Dongwoo still looks unconvinced, so Howon forces a tired smile, grabbing Dongwoo's hand and squeezing. "I'm not going to lie and say I'm fine, but I'm as close as I'm going to get, alright?"

"Okay," Dongwoo says relcutantly after a pause, squeezing back. He looks so tired, they both do. They all are. "Okay, go get some sleep, Howonah."

Howon lets go of Dongwoo's hand and picks up the radio. "I'll take this with me, see if I can prolong the peace." He trudges out and back to Sungjong's room to find Sungjong already asleep, curled up on one side with just enough space for Howon to take.

Howon doesn't fall asleep easily, for all that exhaustion in a heavy weight pressing in on all sides. His anger's gone to sadness now, as he keeps replaying the way Myungsoo's head jerked when Howon punched him. He can't even bring himself to hate what's been done to him, to Sunggyu. Not now. He wonders if Myungsoo's found some kind of peace in taking Sunggyu's offer, if maybe he's better off this way. He'd been so worried before, the stress breaking him to pieces so much more quickly than it had everyone else.

Howon shuts his eyes tightly and curls up against Sungjong's back, pressing his forehead against the warmth there as if Sungjong's presence might fend back thoughts of giving in just like Myungsoo did.

 

Howon wakes up the next day feeling as if he'd been crushed by a steamroller, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling for a while as he lets his thoughts gather in his head. Things he needs to do today, things he wants to do and can't. He shuffles them all accordingly and gets up to face the day. He finds some batteries in one of Sungjong's drawers, flips the volume down to nearly nothing before he turns the radio on and listens for a bit. After having had all he can stand of the preaching, he starts station-surfing, praying for one that hasn't been taken over.

Maybe today is his lucky day, Howon doesn't know, but he finds one. It's not perfect, there's still a hint of curiosity in the way they talk, but it's more informative than anything else he's found and he listens avidly, noting everything mentally to explain to the others later. Decreased violence, increased superiority complexes and new names for the two factions—Enlightened and Lowly Minded. 

Howon snorts, thinks maybe he should take 'Enlightenment' just to give them some better names, at any rate. When they start talking about heightened sexuality, however, Howon pauses, contemplating. Sunggyu's been keeping his distance since they last talked, no advances whatsoever, and the only person he'd been in prolonged contact with...

Howon breathes out slowly, turning off the radio. It makes a sick sort of sense, he supposes. Since he's 'Lowly Minded' and Myungsoo isn't. Oddly, Howon doesn't feel any sort of jealousy or negativity with the realization, just a dull relief that he doesn't have to deal with conflicted feelings regarding he and Sunggyu on top of everything else. He can push it all aside for now and focus on getting everyone through this, getting Sunggyu and Myungsoo cured. And then, maybe, he and Sunggyu can fix things between them.

Nodding to himself, Howon puts the radio away and makes his way to the kitchen. He's met with Woohyun and Dongwoo arguing in angry, hushed tones, about food.

"Good morning to you guys, too," Howon says in greeting, his tone dry, and raises an inquiring eyebrow.

"I'm not cooking for them anymore," Woohyun says, his entire body rigid with finality, as if daring Howon to argue.

Dongwoo sighs, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead briefly. "Woohyun—"

"No," Woohyun says in a furious whisper as he slashes air with his hand, "If they want to eat, they can cook for themselves. I'm not helping them."

Dongwoo doesn't say anything more, he just leaves. Howon watches him go, chewing on his bottom lip to stop himself from going after him, and turns back to Woohyun, who's still staring at him defiantly.

"You're going to cook for them, hyu—" He stops and holds up a hand when Woohyun bristles, almost wishing for the moping again. He fixes his hyung with a glare that contains every ounce of frustration and helplessness he feels lately. It shuts Woohyun up, though he still looks resentful about it. "Hyung. The less time they spend out here with us, the better. Do you understand that?"

Woohyun glances towards the bedroom door, shut off the the world of inferiority, and sighs, all the rebelliousness gone. "Dammit, you're right," he says, a hint of sulkiness in his tone. He smiles though, a ghost of his old self. "Do you think they'd notice if I spit in their portions?"

"Gross, hyung," Howon says, laughing despite his words. "Let's not be that uncivilized yet."

Later in the day, Howon's thanking his lucky stars, or whatever that phrase is, that it's been mostly uneventful. When Howon'd brought Sunggyu and Myungsoo their lunch earlier, Sunggyu had given Howon a smile that was edged with mischief, like he'd been planning something that would soon come to fruition—that had put Howon on edge for most of the day, but nothing had happened. 

Sighing, Howon runs a towel through his damp hair and then shakes it into some semblance of order before exiting the bathroom, fully intending on as close a good night's sleep as he can get. 

For some reason, however, Howon finds himself wandering into the dark of the living room, aimless in that he's not sure what he even came in here for. He stands just outside the main part of it, looking at the furniture and remembering a time when they all used to pile up and watch movies, laughing and joking. It seems so long ago.

Howon sits on the couch and fiddles with the idea of watching a movie, but he's so tired and the movies are so far away.

Howon registers that he's dreaming just barely, fuzzily, but it's so warm and filled with pleasure he's not felt in a while that he's loathe to try and shake himself out of it. He tries to focus on breathing but it's hard because there's slick heat around his cock and it feels so _good_. "Sunggyu hyung," he murmurs absently, fingers tugging at hair until a hissing sound is heard, annoyed and familiar. "C'mere."

"I missed you, Howonah," Sunggyu says before his lips slide against Howon's, the kiss obscene in a way that makes Howon arch into the hard warmth of Sunggyu's body eagerly, with no mind for the games they sometimes play. "Miss you so much." Sunggyu breaks and reclaims the kiss between every word, finding Howon's hand and shoving it inside his pajama pants.

Howon wraps his fingers around Sunggyu's cock almost greedily, wrenching a moan from the older immediately. He knows Sunggyu as well as he knows himself. He—

Reality comes crashing down around Howon with startling clarity, a sudden freezing of his blood where there was once the boiling heat of desire. "You _asshole_ ," Howon breathes.

Sunggyu starts to laugh but it's cut off by a pained gasp as Howon's fingers tighten mercilessly.

"If you want to keep this in pristine condition, you're going to slowly get off of me," Howon says, low and deadly, "And you're not going to make any sudden, stupid moves."

Sunggyu looks down at him with anger flashing in his eyes, but he does exactly that, the entire process painstakingly slow and awkward due to Howon's unkind grip on Sunggyu's dick. There's a bubble of hysterical laughter in his throat at the insanity of this, but Howon forces it back down.

Once Sunggyu's mostly on the floor, Howon lets go and shoves him away with his foot, scrambling to his feet to tuck himself back into his pants. From his position on the floor, Sunggyu lets his legs spread, but the sight does nothing for Howon now.

"You should join us, Howon," Sunggyu says, in that low, silky way he's used before, but Sunggyu's never been smooth, always rough around the edges, biting. "You'd love it, I promise. It's so much better than this useless existence we've been trudging through all our lives."

"Fuck you," Howon says, biting where Sunggyu isn't, "I'm never going to join you. I'm going to _fix you_ , if it's the last thing I do."

Howon leaves Sunggyu there, sprawled on the floor with his head tilted back as he laughs that quiet, smug mockery that belongs only to the worm.

 

Howon still listens to the radio every morning, but he's yet to take it back to the living room for everyone. It seems better this way, with Myungsoo having all but forgotten about it. He's too busy helping Sunggyu in his attempts to recruit all of them, though as far as Howon can tell, no one else has been accosted quite like he has. One thing to be a little thankful about, maybe.

Howon's told no one the particulars, just that yes, he's been approached too and no, he's still good ol' Howon. Dongwoo looks suspicious but he keeps his mind to himself, for which Howon's immensely appreciative. He'll probably end up taking this one secret to the grave.

This morning has him more excited than he's been in a long while. He has to rein it in all day, unwilling to chance Sunggyu or Myungsoo becoming wary because of the information in his head. He does risk letting Dongwoo and Woohyun know he'll be joining them tonight, via hugs that aren't completely just for show. If he lingers just a little in Dongwoo's arms, Dongwoo doesn't comment on it.

Howon slips into Woohyun's room after the house has gone dark and quiet, but though they've both had his blessing from the beginning, he can't help but feel awkward, like a third wheel.

"Howon," Woohyun says, a faint note of exasperation in his voice, "Get over here, already."

"Right," Howon mumbles, trying to slip in on the outside, but Dongwoo keeps shoving him towards the middle. Woohyun laughs quietly, tugging at Howon's sleeve, and Howon reluctantly slides in between them. "So."

"So...?" Woohyun prods, both with voice and a poke.

Howon can't see, but can almost hear eyebrows raising, and smiles for a second. "I was listening to the radio this morning and they said one of the cult buildings was raided." There's an intake of breath, maybe Dongwoo's. "They've turned it into some kind of cure center, where they can continue working on it."

"Oh," Dongwoo breathes, "Where is it?"

That's the rough part, the part he's worried about the most. "They didn't say, exactly. They're trying to keep it off the radio due to a bunch of the Enlightened trying to sabotage the work. But there's only one place it could be, right? They need labs and all that shit."

"The university," Woohyun murmurs, the bed creaking as he shifts and then there's fingers running through Howon's hair. Woohyun's voice is closer when he continues, "Are you going to go, Howonah?"

"I have to. I can say we need another food run. It's not a complete lie, right? We'll always need more, even if it's early to be thinking about it."

"How will we get them there, though," Dongwoo asks, his voice holding trepidation, and rightly so. There's only one way they can do this, and all three of them well know it. "You're not thinking... Howon?"

"Hyung," Howon says softly, sadly. He doesn't want to ask Dongwoo to do this, but he's the one who's been their target lately and the least likely to arouse suspicion. "Can you do it?"

Dongwoo's silent for such a long time that Howon wonders if he fell asleep. Woohyun reaches over Howon to, presumably, take hold of Dongwoo's hand. Howon can't shift without losing the calming feel of Woohyun's fingers in his hair, so he simply presses his body close to Dongwoo's to offer comfort that way. 

"Yeah," Dongwoo finally whispers, "I'll do it. It's the only way."

"Just play a part, Dongwoo," Woohyun says, his breath warm on Howon's shoulder as he leans over him to continue holding Dongwoo's hand. "If you can do this, after the world goes back to normal maybe you can be in a drama."

They all share quiet, anxious laughter at that and it's enough of a subject closer that they all curl in and try to get what sleep they can for the long day tomorrow.

 

Howon wakes up to Woohyun pushing at his shoulder, a finger pressed to his lips as he nods his head at Dongwoo, still sleeping. Howon stifles a yawn and nods back, carefully disentangling himself from Dongwoo's koala-like embrace. "I've got your backpack sorted out, but Sunggyu's in the kitchen asking why you're going."

Howon can't stop the yawn this time, waving a hand absently. "I can handle hyung, don't worry," he reassures after he has control of his mouth again. He takes a good look at Woohyun, then, at how the older's eyes have dark circles, how his face is lined more than it was. 

"Go back to sleep." Woohyun opens his mouth, frowning, but Howon shuts him up by clamping a hand over his lips. "Go back to sleep," Howon repeats firmly. "If only for a few hours."

Woohyun tears Howon's hand away gently, sighing, and nods. "Sometimes I hate you for being a better leader than I ever could," he says, with just the barest of bitterness lacing his voice to give truth to the words.

Howon smiles tiredly. "Sometimes I hate you for not being a better leader than me, too."

Despite their ugly truths, Woohyun runs a hand through Howon's hair, another one of those sadly normal things he used to do. "Good luck, Howonah."

Howon doesn't stay to watch him slip back in bed with Dongwoo, but heads to his room to grab some clothes for the trek. The smell of stale sex hits him and he wrinkles his nose at it, trying and mostly failing to ignore Myungsoo's naked form half under the blankets of his bed. The site doesn't make any sort of negative feelings arise in him, however, at least not regarding to whatever fucked up relationship Myungsoo has with Sunggyu right now. 

Clothes in hand, Howon goes to the kitchen to get his conversation with Sunggyu over with. "Woohyun hyung said you were in here," he says airily as he grabs his backpack. "Looking for something in particular?"

Sunggyu looks Howon up and down with a quirk of his lips. "So you're slumming it with Woohyun too, now? Damn."

Howon laughs, a short and thing with no amusement whatsoever. "Sure, you call it whatever you want to, hyung. Anything else? I want to go while there's still daylight left," he says, derision dripping from every word.

Sunggyu pushes himself away from the counter, glancing up at the cabinets. "I just noticed we still have plenty of food left, yet you're making another run." He moves in close, just enough that Howon can feel his heat. It still makes him want and he squashes the feeling down ruthlessly.

"Yeah, and I have to go even further out now. So, unless you want to be on even worse rations then you are now, you should shut the fuck up and go back to your sex-capades with Myungsoo."

There's a fierce triumph in Howon that his words didn't come out jealous or hurt at all, and that Sunggyu is clearly surprised by this fact. The expression doesn't stick around long, but just the flash of it is enough for Howon.

"Huh," is all Sunggyu offers in return, a smirk on his features as he leaves. 

Howon doesn't even mind, knowing he won this round. "Do some laundry, while you're at it," he calls after the worm-infested jerk. "It smells like stale ass in there."

The bedroom door closes without a reply and Howon, shrugging a shoulder, makes his way to the bathroom to get dressed and do something with his hair. It's a damn mess, but haircuts are honestly the least of his worries.

Howon grabs one of their many face masks this time around, slipping it on and for a second, feeling as though maybe this is just another trip to the airport, and everything's fine. It doesn't last, Howon heaving a small sigh as he exits the complex and begins the long walk to the university.

The walk ends up being good for Howon in a way he didn't consider. The quiet of it, leaving him free to sort through everything he's been feeling and come to terms—it's like a catharsis. If he ignores the smell of decaying bodies, anyway.

Instead of worsening, the stench lessens the closer Howon gets the university, speaking plainly to him that whoever took over must have cleaned the place up. Howon moves more cautiously as he closes the distance between him and the university's hospital, when he's able to make out a small group of people standing guard in front of the doors. 

Eventually, they mark his approach and he can see the sudden tension in their bodies as they try to make of him a friend or foe. He hopes he looks more toward the friendly side of things.

"You armed," one of the men calls out warily, stepping forward. 

Howon shakes his head, pulling his backpack off slow and dropping it to the ground. "You can search it if you want, but all you'll find is food."

The man nods, holding out his hand. Howon slides it over, the urge to shove his hands in his pockets strong, but for fear of leading them to believe he's got something in them he refrains.

"He's good!" The man waves Howon over, but keeps his distance. "We have to test you for infection, and after that you can explain what you're doing here."

Howon nods, letting the man lead the way. The test isn't a simple one, not yet, the nurse he's brought to explains. He asks her to try and lay it out as best she can anyway, and regrets it half-way through. He's definitely not going to try to explain this to the others when he gets back—they'll just have to take his word for it.

"Ah, okay," he says awkwardly after she's done. She laughs and he manages a rueful smile. "But you say you're working on a faster way?"

"We're hopeful, Howon-ssi," she replies, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "Are you ready?"

Howon nods affirmation, though not entirely in the way she takes it. He's more ready to get it over with and speak to someone about the cure. 

 

"Howon-ssi, is it?"

The man Howon's been taken to, after the test showed him uninfected, gives off an air of brisk efficiency, soothing some of Howon's frayed nerves. The man looks up and immediately a laugh escapes him. "Or would you prefer I call you Hoya-ssi?"

Howon blinks, unable to articulate words. It's been a while since he's heard that name.

The man laughs again, waving at the seat in front of his desk. Howon takes it as the man offers explanation. "My daughter's a big fan of you guys, though she's more partial to Sungyeol-ssi." 

"Ah," Howon says, rubbing the back of his neck as he laughs airily. "Maybe after this is all said and done, we can meet her, to show our thanks?"

The man sobers, perhaps hearing the weight behind Howon's words. "One of you is infected?"

"Two of us," Howon replies quietly, hands in his lap. "We wanted to be sure this was where we could get the cure, before we put our plan into action."

"The cure isn't quite finished yet," the man says, sliding some papers out of the way. "My name is Lee Kyunggook, by the way. Let's hear about your plan and I'll tell you as much as I can about the cure."

 

The talk Howon has with Kyunggook lasts well into the evening, but Howon leaves for home feeling like all the weight he's been carrying the past month—or however long it's been, he doesn't even know or care any longer—has lessened dramatically. As an apology for keeping Howon so long that he didn't have the time to scour houses, the center sent him off with some of their supplies, explaining to Howon when he tried protesting that they had more than enough, due to search parties whose only job was exactly that—search parties who also had cars. Howon was offered a ride, as well, but he wanted to look the part of the weary traveler and declined.

"Ah, you're back," Woohyun says happily when Howon sets the backpack down in front of him. 

Howon opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of water, draining half of it before he pulls it away from his lips. He'd had plenty of water, of course, but it wasn't fresh and cold like this. He turns back to Woohyun, who's digging everything out of his backpack eagerly. "I'm going to go shower," he says, raising his brows when Woohyun looks up at him. "You talked to Sungyeol or Sungjong today?"

"Yeah," Woohyun answers, a slight pinching of his features letting Howon know how well that went. "They're stressed, you know."

Howon hums noncommittally and chugs the rest of the water. "Right, well. I'll talk to them later. Have fun with all that, hyung." He waves a hand arbitrarily over the backpack, shooting Woohyun a grin before he takes off to Sungjong's—and, he supposes, his now—room.

Sungjong ambushes him as soon as he enters the room. "Hyung," he hisses, his eyes bright with anger and worry, "Are you out of your mind, all of you?"

Howon closes the door, holding up a finger as he glares. "I know exactly what I'm doing," he replies quietly once the door's shut and he's closer to Sungjong and Sungyeol. "Do the both of you not trust me or the hyungdeul?"

Sungjong's intractability isn't swayed. "What if something goes wrong, hyung. What if they 'Enlighten' Dongwoo hyung anyway, plan or no plan?"

"He's got a point, Howon," Sungyeol says softly, his worry not as unrestrained than Sungjong's, but no less for it. "Sunggyu hyung and Myungsoo are just too unpredictable now."

Howon pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Look, this is happening whether you like it or not. It's the only chance we've got, and we need to take it." He's done being nice, done begging, done in every way there is to be done. "I'm not going to try and convince you anymore, because it's done. If the hyungdeul want to, whatever, they can. You've got no choice in the matter, though, so accept it. And don't fuck it up, if you're going to be mad about it. _That_ is a surefire way to get Dongwoo hyung in trouble."

Sungjong mashes his lips together in a thin line, but wisely doesn't keep on. Sungyeol just shakes his head and makes his way out the door.

Fuck it, thinks Howon, and gathers his things for a nice, hot shower.

 

For the next few days, as far as Howon can tell, Dongwoo's deception is working. Sungjong and Sungyeol continue to voice their opposition, but they're at least careful enough to keep it to a dull roar and Howon is grateful for that, at any rate.

He sneaks out whenever Dongwoo has them occupied to call the number Kyunggook gave him when he left, to check on the cure's progress. When Howon went to the university, they'd already begun testing animals infected with the worm and the success rate was highly disproportional to the fail. However, when Howon calls two days later, the woman answering the phone sounds ecstatic, almost breathless with it.

"I know you won't understand this, but bear with me. We've come to find that the reason the cure hasn't been working is due to a protein marker that's left behind when the worm dies in the host's system. At first the marker was just assumed to be nothing more than _there_ , essentially, but we know better now. We've figured out how to neutralize the marker in a way that it's not fatal—and even better, the marker being left behind ensures the host cannot be infected ever again. There's been a 92% success rate. With this marker we've been able to produce a vaccine as well, so that anyone not previously infected can avoid it."

Howon indeed doesn't understand most of what she's said, but the words 'cure', 'vaccine', and '92% success rate' have hot tears running down his cheeks nonetheless.

After Howon discreetly shares the news, Sungjong and Sungyeol both are so happy about the cure they can't find it in themselves to say anything against the plan. Howon allows himself a moment of optimism, of hope that they may yet make it through this.

As if things are falling into place perfectly, Sunggyu pushes Dongwoo the next day to get everyone together for the trip, saying that it's past time for talking. While Sunggyu and Myungsoo are busy with 'preparing' Dongwoo for 'Enlightenment', Howon slips out one last time to arrange for the center to be ready for them.

The van looks the same. Oddly, Howon's not prepared for it, and certainly not for the surge of emotion that hits him when he sees it. He glances at Dongwoo, whose worry is written all over his face, but it's apparent Sunggyu isn't even paying attention to the subtle body language they all tend to show, not anymore. He's beyond caring about things like that.

Woohyun moves to sit in the front—had Howon been closer, he would have stopped him, but Sunggyu's there with a sharp remark, and there's nothing Howon can do but shrug helplessly at Woohyun as their eyes meet when Woohyun goes to the back as bidden.

The drive is short but it feels longer, by eons even, than it should. It isn't a direct route to the university, all a part of the careful and meticulous plan that can't go wrong. Howon wishes now that he'd thought to ask if they'd found an easier way to test the rest of them for infection, but if there's a cure and a vaccine, it must not really matter. It's just one of the little details running around his head from nervousness.

By the time they arrive, Howon's nerves have him shaking, but he does his best to hide it and it appears to work. That, or the worms in Sunggyu's and Myungsoo's heads really are that fucking stupid. Howon likes to think it's the latter, viciously so. Superior race, his ass.

Howon can see the moment Dongwoo starts panicking, wants desperately to run to him and shake him and tell him it's okay, but he doesn't dare move save for walking forward. Sungjong's got one hand in a tight grip, while Sungyeol has the other, so Howon probably couldn't run ahead even if he tried. He squeezes both hands to let them know it's fine when he notices Dongwoo's panic seems to be catching.

When Dongwoo mouths "I'm sorry," Howon shakes his head furiously, lips a tight line. He's just about to throw caution to the wind and _go_ because there's a realization in Myungsoo's eyes that terrifies Howon for a brief moment, but Myungsoo ignores Dongwoo completely and runs for Sunggyu, who's just been injected with a drug. 

After that, it's all downhill easy. Kyunggook comes out to say hello and it's almost amusing in an ironic way, that they're talking with him about meeting his daughter one day while Sunggyu's still struggling weakly against two nurses.

"They get stronger the longer they're infected, you know," Kyunggook says, following their line of sight. He pats Howon's shoulder, not unlike something the manager hyungdeul would have done. "I'll let you all get settled and we'll vaccinate you shortly."

As he walks away, Sungyeol breathes out, slow and calm. "You know, if his daughter's not too young, I may just kiss her."

 

Howon volunteers last to get his shot, lingering outside the quarantine doors until they call him into the triage area. Though the protein marker effectively works as the vaccine does for uninfected, they keep the newly cured patients locked tight for a while, just in case. Howon thinks that's a good idea, on the safe side instead of the sorry one.

He wants to stay here rather than go back, but surprisingly, Sungyeol and Sungjong both want to, as well. He doesn't see why not and he probably knows the reason they want to. Too long cooped up in that dorm, even a makeshift hospital is a welcome respite.

"Are you okay with going back to make the dorm ready," Howon asks Woohyun when the older comes to see him. He pauses, his lips tilting up briefly. "Dongwoo hyung should go too, if he wants."

Woohyun snorts, offering Howon a drink of his water. "You're still playing cupid?" Woohyun glances toward the triage doors, where Howon knows Dongwoo's outside, waiting. "I don't think he'll mind going. We can come pick you guys up when they give hyung and Myungsoo the all-clear."

Howon gives Woohyun back his drink. "Sounds good."

Woohyun watches him searchingly for a bit, his mouth twisted like he wants to say something but isn't quite sure how. 

"Just say it," Howon says, nudging him with an elbow. "Can't be worse than everything we've said up until now, right?"

Woohyun doesn't say anything, in the end, but the hug he gives is enough. More than, really. He stays to watch as Howon's vaccinated, but Howon can't take the hovering while he's getting his things together and shoos Woohyun off to go find Dongwoo like he wants to. 

He leaves the triage and immediately notices the two of them down the hall, but they're oblivious to his presence, so he just watches. Maybe he should be feeling some sort of painful jealousy at the sight of them like they are, so new yet so comfortable with each other, but he doesn't. It's something good that's come out of all of this strife, who could be unhappy in any way about that?

He does, however, resist the urge to roll his eyes and make some dumb comment as Woohyun takes Dongwoo's hand and kisses the top of it.

"Aw, that's so cute," Sungjong says softly from behind him, tucking his chin over Howon's shoulder.

Howon hums in agreement, his lips pulled into a smile that, for the first time in what seems like ages, isn't tired or wan. He refrains from comment for a bit, choosing instead to enjoy the way Dongwoo laughs as he and Woohyun leave the building. "I hope they take advantage of the empty dorm and make like bunnies."

Sungjong makes a noise, pushing at Howon's back. "That's gross, hyung. You just completely ruined the moment. I hate you."

Howon chuckles, slinging an arm around Sungjong's shoulders to lead him to their temporary rooms. "No, you don't."

Sungjong sighs, a long-suffering thing. "No, I really don't."

 

_"Sources say within a matter of six months to a year, vaccine to the neurological worm will be issued to all those infected. Those in charge of efforts say to alert authorities through the newly created website or one of—"_

"What the fu—will you turn that shit off? I'm asleep, here."

Howon jerks upright so abruptly he nearly slides from the chair he's got pushed next to Sunggyu's bed. "Ah, sorry about that, hyung," he murmurs, voice still thick with sleep, as he reaches for the radio resting on top of Sunggyu's legs and switches it off.

Sunggyu sits up slowly, rubbing at his eyes as he yawns. He glances down at the purple radio, leveling it with a glare that could curdle milk. "Why hasn't that thing been smashed to pieces yet?"

"Because it's purple and it's mine," Howon answers immediately, reflexively. A warm feeling washes over him as Sunggyu snorts in obvious disgust, a familiar sound, a welcome one.

"How long was I out?"

Howon's not really sure what the answer to that is, the days having blended together until it's mostly a big mess. "Uh, maybe a couple of days, if that."

"Hmm," Sunggyu says, frowning at the sunlight coming through the window as if it's done him personal harm. He turns the frown on Howon, but it's softer. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple of days, if that," Howon repeats quietly.

Sunggyu's silent. It's a heavy silence though, full of too much remembering. Howon, remembering Kyunggook saying the previous hosts recalled everything they did as if someone had control of their bodies and they couldn't stop it. 

Howon had spent the entire time Sunggyu slept thinking and thinking and thinking until it seemed like every synapse in his brain was sore from firing off so much. Talking to other victims had helped, not only him but Sungjong and Sungyeol as well. It had been their idea, in actuality, Sungjong finally dragging Howon out of Sunggyu's room with no small amount of exasperation.

Howon finally can't stand the quiet any longer, and he's got something to say, besides. "I missed you," he starts, quiet and thoughtful, and to his credit Sunggyu doesn't try to interrupt. "Even when you—it, I guess—did all those things, I missed you."

He stops, the image of Woohyun and Dongwoo coming back to his mind so suddenly and so clear that it almost hurts, this time around, but in such a wonderful way.

"And?" If there was any doubt in Howon's mind that this might not be Sunggyu, it's gone now, with the easy way Sunggyu read him.

"And, maybe we can't be the way we were before," Howon says, slowly, glancing up to find Sunggyu piercing him with the most intense stare, but with everything Howon's missed in them. "But maybe I don't exactly want to go back to that."

"I understand," Sunggyu says, his fingers curling and uncurling into the blanket, restless. "I didn't expect you to want to keep up our... whatever-it-was," he says with a wry quirk of his lips. "I may not have fucked it up, but the worm did. It's okay, Howonah. We can go back to being just us, just friends. Bandmates."

Howon blinks at Sunggyu for a second before he laughs, shaking his head. "Hyung, you're—you dumbass, I'm saying I think I'm in love with you."

"Oh," Sunggyu says, the epitome of eloquence. "Even after—?"

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy," Howon says quickly, the amusement faded into awkwardness. "I'm still... it's still going to take some time. But having you gone for so long, only to come back and be taken away again? It made me realize, is all."

"I think," Sunggyu says after a moment, "I'd like to work on it. On us, I mean. Being better. I know I never outright said it, but I did—I _do_ care for you." He brings his knees up, hugging them. "I'm not going to say I'm in love with you, because I don't know if I am, or if I even should after what happened. But the trying, it sounds nice."

Howon never expected anything less than that, and nods his acceptance. "We can try." He reaches out and curls his fingers around Sunggyu's until Sunggyu accepts the touch. It feels good—not perfect, not by any means, but it's a good start.

"Before, when I said it was just me," Sunggyu says softly, squeezing Howon's hand. "It really was. It was just me, then."

"Yeah, hyung," Howon says, a smile on his face as he meets Sunggyu's eyes, all warmth and nothing like before. "Just you."


End file.
